Is it just me, or is EVERYONE getting engaged/married?
In the last month, my Facebook news feed is bombarded with engagement photos, wedding photos, and gushy status updates about how in love they are.
Honestly, I'm super happy for those people. Truly, I am.
However, it doesn't make me feel much better. I feel like I'm running out of time. Ridiculous? Yeah. It is. I mean, really. I'm only 20 years old. I'm (moderately) attractive. I have a full life ahead of me. I shouldn't be freaking out. But why is it every time I think about someone tying the knot, I feel like I'm running out of time. I mean, I haven't gone on a date in almost 2 years. Granted, it isn't that long of a time period. I know some people have it worse (I understand your pain, if you have pain. I'm not trying to be rude.) I have to keep reminding myself to take a step back, breathe, and just wait for the storm to pass by.
At the same time, I have a have a problem.
According to my friend Brittany, I have a "big heart."
I'm overly nostalgic. I read into things way to much. My feelings take over.
In some ways, this isn't a bad thing.
In others, it is horrible.
I have a tendency to misread friendships. I have a tendency to try and find more where there isn't.
Prime example:
Last year, there was a girl in particular that I had been interested in for quite sometime. We started to get a whole lot closer, and I thought she was genuinely interested. As the whole thing played out, I found out that she did not feel the same way, and I ended up being crushed. (A lot more than I let on.)
And yeah, situations like this happen to everyone. But I can think of about 5 other people right off the top of my head whom this has happened with. Not all of them were as serious as this one. (This one and one more had me extremely torn up. Bad.)
In the end, I moved on as best as I could. There was a little bit of awkwardness for awhile, but we were able to salvage our friendship and put everything behind us.
However, recently she ended a relationship she was in. I feel bad for her.
I feel like a horrible person, but some thoughts crossed my mind:
"Would things have been different if we were together?"
"Should I try to start things up again?"
"Would it be worth it to try and be her rebound?"
As fast as I possible could, I dismissed these horrid thoughts. First off I've already tried to go down that road and found it to be a dead end. Two, I'm good friends with her ex. Three, it is completely not fair to her at all.
(If you're reading this and you realize I'm talking about you, I deeply apologize. I'm on a rant right now, and I'm not going to be creepy and come after you and "make my move.")
Anyways, I'm kind of off subject.
But really, I read into things way too much.
"What does that text message mean?"
"They are looking at me. Does that mean something?"
"That Facebook wall post... What was that for?"
In all of reality, they are probably just being friendly and saying "Hey!"
Now you are probably thinking what a creeper I am, and you are going to refrain from talking to me. Great. That's not what I'm trying to do here.
I'm going to just wrap this up, and stop digging myself into a hole.
I'm tired and I'm not thinking straight.
To wrap things up.... I'm tired of seeing people finding their soul mates when I can't find someone cute to go out to the movies and cuddle with. That's all I want right now.
Goodnight, folks.
