and still managing to look amazingly attractive.
It might be hard, but I think I can do it!
I'm so excited.
First time overseas.
This will be legit.
It's also a good time to get away for awhile.
There has been so much.... drama, for lack of a better word.
It's best if I distance myself from a few people.
I have gotten into this bad habit of mistaking really good friendships for something more.
I do it constantly.... For some reason, I can't help it.
Luckily, when the truth came out, those friends were very gracious and understanding.
I was so afraid of telling them because I knew they probably didn't feel the same way.
I was also afraid that it would completely ruin everything.
While I was correct in the fact they didn't return those feelings (and that led to some heartbreak)....
It didn't ruin our friendships.
And that, I am very thankful for.
The scenario I just described happened again recently.
Fleeing the country might not be a good idea to get away from all problems.
But this time, I think it is exactly what I need.
Plus, I've been planning this trip for over a year, so it doesn't really matter. :)
As most of my friends know, I'm kind of a helpless romantic.
I find this constant need to find someone quickly.
I have several friends right now who are planning their weddings.
While I'm soooo excited for them,
I constantly feel this pressure that I need to find someone.
I'm running out of time.
I know that's ridiculous.
I turn 20 next month.
I have plenty of good years ahead of me.
And realistically, I don't need someone right now.
That helps some...
But, I constantly find myself asking,
"Why do I have to wait?"
Before I date someone, I want to know them somewhat well before I start a relationship.
I don't want to jump into something blindly.
And I have all these beautiful, amazing, Christian friends.
So, is that where I'm going wrong?
Do I need to jump into something?
Should I not be really good friends with someone before I attempt to date them?
I'm so tired of being jealous of what other people have.
I'm tired of looking for someone.
I'm tired of all this heartbreak.
All this emotional baggage is weighing me down.
So that is what I'm working on.
Packing lightly.
But still managing to look amazingly attractive.
:)
- Brennan
